Every person you're trying to influence is running one of two programs: moving toward pleasure (Approach) or moving away from pain (Avoidance).

Your job as a persuader is to figure out which program is running stronger in that specific moment and frame your entire message to match it. When you do this, you connect with their deepest motivators and become a far more effective communicator.

People are broadcasting their mindset constantly. You just have to learn how to tune in. The easiest place to start is the language they use.

Approach keywords (chasing a gain): achieve, opportunity, grow, advantage, innovate, best-in-class.

Avoidance keywords (preventing a loss): fix, problem, prevent, risk, falling behind, stop the bleeding.

Their role is a signal too. The CMO is almost always in Approach mode, rewarded for growth and looking for the next win. The CFO is typically in Avoidance mode, responsible for what doesn't go wrong.

But it goes beyond the C-suite. A founder is often a blend of both. Their ambition drives them toward Approach, but it's their own money on the line, which makes them acutely sensitive to risk. A procurement lead at a large client is almost always in Avoidance mode, focused on not making a costly mistake. A brand director might be entirely shaped by their CEO's priorities this quarter. Are they trying to make a splash to justify their budget, or just trying to protect it?

These are starting points, not rules. A stakeholder can always defy the stereotype, which is why nothing matters more than listening to the signals they're giving you directly.

Imagine you're pitching a major new project, something that feels urgent and obvious to you. The most common mistake is leading with all the exciting potential, framing it as a massive growth opportunity. But if your client is in a defensive, budget-conscious mindset, that pitch lands as tone-deaf. And once you've pitched the wrong angle, it's very hard to recover.

The fix is to match their mindset first.

If they're in Avoidance mode, start with the cost of inaction: "Every quarter we delay this, we risk our current market share becoming obsolete as competitors move ahead."

Once that threat feels real, their mind opens to the solution. Only then do you pivot to the upside: "And by making this move to protect our position, we also unlock the opportunity to capture an entirely new customer segment."

Same project. Different door.

This scales down to everyday communication. A website redesign, is it an innovative tool to attract new customers, or a necessary upgrade to stop losing credibility? Same work, completely different reception depending on who's in the room. It's also invaluable when things get tough. During a downturn, framing your work as "preventing a potential 40% drop in traffic" demonstrates far more value than standard reporting ever will.

The most influential communicators are fluent in both languages, opportunity and risk. They've learned not to offer a telescope to someone bailing water out of a leaky boat.

So before you walk into that room, ask yourself one question: does this client need a vision for tomorrow, or a solution for today?